Are we Grown yet?

Growing up in a Black or Caribbean household meant there were rules, nine out of ten times though, they were unspoken. Heck, at least 8 out of those 9 ran on pure vibes and side-eyes. A mother's well-placed eyebrow was the original IYKYK- and one I'm sure did not get played with was when you were told to “Stay out of grown folks' business.”

That phrase right there, it carried weight 🏋🏽‍♀️. It could stop you in your tracks, shut down any sense of curiosity, little clap back or end a conversation mid-word. You would retreat to wherever you came from faster than your whatever grown-up said it could crack a fake smile at others as if you weren't about to 'get it' (again...IYKYK). There was no need for any sort of additional word to come to your mind, let alone out of your mouth. It was a clear and defined boundary: grown folks operated in a different universe. They were mysterious, serious, respected, maybe even a little intimidating, but you know what? I LIKED it, you probably did too. Anyone else tried that line on their younger siblings or cousins like you knew it all? No, just me? 😜 I'll admit it, I couldn't WAIT to be grown.

Welp, fast forward and we are out here, paying bills, booking doctor’s appointments, taking care of other humans and/or pets - full-blown adulting.

But wait, are we grown yet?

What Being Grown Used to Mean

Back in the day, being grown was a whole aesthetic. It meant you had responsibilities, opinions nobody questioned, and probably a drawer full of bills, receipts, and peppermints.

To us as kids, being grown looked like:

• Having your own car, your own place, and a serious face

• Drinking coffee at all hours and somehow functioning

• Speaking in hushed tones when “company” was around

• Being able to stay up late, curse a little (but not around Grandma), and tell other people what to do

It meant authority. It meant holding secrets and holding it together. Being grown wasn’t just about age; it was a vibe. Standing a certain way, walking with purpose, it was about notplaying with people’s time, and you definitely kept kids out your mouth (aka: you didn’t explain yourself). That's whyyyy we didn't experience 'gentle parenting'. Being grown was serious business. It meant you were handling things. There was structure, but not always space to feel soft, uncertain, or evolving.

When Does It Happen?

There’s no buzzer that goes off. No congratulatory email. No family group text that says, “You made it, you’re officially grown now.” Well, some people get invited to the 'grown-up' family chat📱💬, but really it just kinda happens. Slowly, you become the one people call when things go left. The one making grocery lists and telling the younger ones, “go in the other room” when you feel the shift in energy happening in a convo. Then suddenly, you're skipping the bar hopping adventure, for a seat at the table with the grown family members, that now speak openly with you about the family drama that you thought you knew...but had no idea. That's when it hits you- wait a hot damn minute… I’m the grown folk now!

The truth is: being grown creeps in when you start carrying wisdom, not just weight. When your lessons start to speak louder than your fears. When you no longer need outside validation to trust your voice, your boundaries, or your worth.

That’s when it happened, the wild part is, you were grown before you even realized it.

Embracing the New Definition of Grown

Back in the day, when you were told to “stay out of grown folks’ business,” it wasn’t just about keeping you in a child’s place—it was about keeping you away from adult conversations, problems, and the kind of drama kids had no business repeating at school or in the street. It was a protective move, a cultural boundary meant to shield you from things your little ears didn’t need to hear (and your big mouth might accidentally repeat).

But now? Being grown hits different.

Now, it’s a badge of honor, a sign that you’ve earned your wisdom the long way. It means you’re not just old enough to sit at the table, you’re bringing something meaningful to it. You’ve got perspective. You’ve got history. You’ve got receipts.

You're ready to walk in your truth, unapologetically. It’s recognizing that you’ve paid your dues, through heartaches, hard lessons, healed trauma, and finding your voice. So no, you don’t have to dim your light or shrink yourself to make anyone else feel comfortable. You’ve earned this level of peace, clarity, and self-respect.

You might not have it all figured out (who does?), but you’re living freely, making decisions

on your own terms, and honoring the version of yourself you fought to become.

You are the grown folk, and you've fully earned the right to give off "Don't play with me" vibes to any and everyone watching if you choose.

That’s grown, and now you can tell others to stay out of your business.