The Grown-Up Teen Mom

What happens when the Teen Mom stigma wears off? Does it ever truly wear off, or is it this shadow we live in indefinitely? There's usually an initial shock, a “what now?” moment, some of your friends will rally around you, family and extended family will be all in too (if you're lucky). Meanwhile, beneath all of that, there's this thought that everyone’s tuned in, watching, waiting to see if you’ll break or beat the odds.

Success as a grown-up teen mom is not about the diplomas or the job title that may take you a bit longer to attain. No shade, but we get to see a lot of those stories across social media, and I genuinely congratulate those young women🤩🥳. That's an accomplishment not to be slighted- you did the dam thing babe! I'm focused on giving the flowers 💐to those former teens working hard to heal their inner child, those of us who cried quietly in bed while rocking a newborn to sleep because you were sleep-deprived and panicking over the road ahead. More importantly, it’s the boundaries you now set using the emotional intelligence you developed while everyone else was partying while you were "Figuring it out." It’s how you raised another human while you were still piecing yourself together.

There’s a difference between raising a child as a grown woman and raising one while you're still growing up too.

HOW IT STARTED

After the initial “what now?” moment of finding out I would be in charge of another human before graduating High School or even turning 18, I had to realize that the rally of support would be short-lived. Well, sort of, I had to acknowledge that some people were just watching, waiting to see if I'd break or beat the odds.

Now, I don't view success as just 'Oh, you had a kid and you didn't give up, I truly mean the success of growing up, with or without help, with or without a partner, without or without drama but still coming through on the other side of things with happy, healthy and grown children of your own that love and respect the hustle it takes to have been a teen parent. You don't hear talk about what it means to succeed in that context—not just survive it, but actually own it and show up daily to beat the odds outsiders stack against you.

HOW IT'S GOING

I've never hidden that I'm mom formerly known as a teen mom, but what I'm realizing is the cautionary steps taken. In my grown woman era I can admit I enjoy seeing the mental math gymnastics I watch people go through when I share the ages of my children AFTER they've already judged my youthful appearance.

People try to define what a teen mom is and how they should walk around, ashamed of their decisions. FUN FACT: That would be the easy road, which most of us are allergic to. I was 1 of about 4 girls in my graduating class that was pregnant during senior year; my school had a full-blown daycare in it. That may come as a shock to many, but think of the reinforcement that is to tell young women they are worthy of support to keep dreaming and pushing forward. Could you imagine how many Female CEOs and Presidents we would have right now if we extended that kind of support across all spaces?!

WHERE TO GO FROM HERE

I won't pretend it's not difficult to push thoughts and fears or even concern over judgment from others aside. I will however focus on the importance of recognizing the strength that comes from having entered womanhood/adulthood early on. It has given me a resilience that is unmatched, and this is a skill that I've seen among my teen mom counterparts. We carry a sense of IDGAF about us.

Cheers to us, the Grown Up Teen Moms, as we enter the new phase of motherhood. As we become friends with our child(ren), breaking the mold others tried to fit us in. We likely didn't and don't receive the acknowledgement and recognition deserved for making it our way. There's not much anyone can tell you or try to put you through to test your limits more than the life you chose to live, so own it and rejoice in the wins and lessons you've learned along the way. Parenting looks different now than it did at 17—not because we love more now, but because we finally love ourselves more, too. We've stopped asking for permission and started showing up as our full selves. We are the blueprint for resilience.

Our journey matters, especially now. So don't forget to tell your story, even if it's just to remind yourself of the badass you are!